This blog post explores how we can find meaning in life through ‘The Death of Ivan Ilyich,’ focusing on regret and reflections on life.
We all experience many regrets as we live our lives. We often think things like, “I wish I had studied harder for that exam…” or “I wish I had been kinder to my parents…” There is a fundamental difference between these two types of regret. While studying for exams can always be revisited, once parents pass away, we can no longer do right by them. These regrets aren’t merely fleeting thoughts; they compel us to reflect on our actions and choices, helping us realize what should be prioritized in our future lives. People often learn through such regrets what truly matters to them and how to cherish it.
Yet, contrary to this realization, we gradually forget others, including our parents, after they pass away as time moves on. In other words, the period of grief following someone’s death rarely lasts more than a few years. There are even extreme cases, like Ivan Illich, who felt abandoned even by his family as death approached. Interestingly, as Ivan Illich experienced, people are often more indifferent to their own impending death than to the death of others. No one acts assuming they might die tomorrow. We generally view death as something distant. So, rather than focusing on the present life, we often live with the vague expectation that better opportunities will come later. Yet, as seen in Ivan Illich’s story, death can arrive unexpectedly. If one hasn’t found meaning in life by that moment, they are likely to face death with deep regret.
Ivan Illich also lived his youth feeling ‘happy’ and without envy. But when he fell ill, he felt immense regret about his life. He agonized, even thinking his life had been meaningless. Was this regret because Ivan Illich truly lived wrong? If so, must we always live conscious of death to avoid regret at life’s end? Life is not merely a cycle of regret and lingering attachment; it is also a process of growth and learning. If one feels unhappy at life’s final moment, does that mean the life was a failure? Reading this novel prompted much reflection on these questions.
Neighbors who observed Ivan Ilyich’s life would likely say he lived a very happy life until he fell ill. Socially, he had built a successful career as a lawyer and, at least outwardly, maintained a harmonious family life—a life that drew everyone’s envy. Many people wanted to emulate his success and considered his life ideal. But he fell ill, and this completely changed his life. At first, his relationships with those around him began to grow increasingly uncomfortable. People’s interest had always been purely in his external success. Even his own family found Ivan Ilyich’s suffering uncomfortable and remained utterly indifferent to his pain. The scene at his funeral, where those who claimed to be his closest friends quickly slipped away to play cards, leaves a bitter taste. This story concludes with a matter-of-fact, emotionless depiction of The Death of Ivan Ilyich and Other Stories.
The characters in this novel, including Ivan Ilyich, all appear hypocritical and indifferent to others to a degree that feels somewhat exaggerated. The author likely employed such exaggerated characterization to effectively convey that humans are fundamentally lonely beings. Ivan Ilyich, weakened by illness and apathy, misunderstands the actions of those around him and dies believing no one understands him. The reason Ivan Ilyich felt unhappy as he was dying was likely because he felt his life lacked meaning. Yet meaning itself is not a concrete entity. It is the motivation behind all human actions, but it is a highly subjective experience. Some people devote their entire lives to scholarship, while others find meaning in art or religion. The crucial point here is that meaning only emerges when one finds it oneself, regardless of where one seeks it. Of course, where and how to find that meaning is entirely up to the individual. It is important not to wait until later in life, like Ivan Ilyich, to reflect on one’s existence, but to continuously explore and concretize the meaning of life throughout one’s daily existence. This is because life always flows in unexpected directions. From this perspective, one could say Ivan Illich lived a very unhappy life. This is because he never once sought meaning in life for himself. Reading the passages describing him in this novel reveals how full of vanity he was. This fact is particularly evident in the reason he married his spouse. According to the novel’s portrayal, he married his wife because taking a “quite decent” woman as his spouse filled his vanity, and simultaneously, he felt he was doing what the upper class deemed right.
Fortunately, Ivan Ilyich finally finds relief from his suffering just before death by reconciling with his family. However, unlike this novel where all the pieces neatly fall into place, life does not always progress toward a single theme. Life unfolds in ways too complex to capture in writing, and there isn’t always an inevitable reason behind it. For instance, novels have a structure that progresses from exposition to climax to resolution based on the level of conflict. This is a device the author uses to effectively convey their intended message. But real life, of course, doesn’t follow such a structure. The dramatic scenes depicted in novels are often exaggerated, while in reality, ordinary daily life is hidden between the scenes. What matters in life isn’t just the dramatic moments, but finding life’s true meaning in the small, ordinary moments in between.
It’s a cliché, but personally, I believe the meaning of life lies within these ordinary moments. Furthermore, if one faithfully practices the meaning of life they’ve discovered in their daily life, I think there’s no problem at all, even if they don’t consciously think about death. This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t think about death. But unless we possess deep religious faith, we know nothing about death. Paradoxically, contemplating death is an act of reflecting on life itself. Such reflection might help those wandering without finding life’s meaning, but becoming overly fixated on it could make an already short life miserable. Humans all die eventually. Only by faithfully living out the meaning we find within our finite lives can we lead a happy existence. Ultimately, the meaning of life is something we forge ourselves on the path we choose, and it only gains true significance when that path is justified by our own standards, not those of others.
